It was the final tanda of the third milonga in a row – three nights of wonderful dances and great energy in the air. I barely sat through more than two tandas. Instead of feeling tired, each dance felt better and better.
All of this was happening in Belgrade, and not at some festival where you usually find such an atmosphere. As one dance followed another, I was feeling more and more relaxed, mellow and warm inside. I was letting go. I thought it couldn’t get any better than this.
Then came the final dance of the evening. We embraced. As I made the first step, it was as if a fog overtook me. I couldn’t see or hear or sense anything around me. It was as if all this attention poured into that square meter we were dancing in: I could feel every inch of my body, as well as hers, and the music pulsating through us.
It was like dancing through water. I made several small, slow steps, and I marvelled at the sensations that flowed with them. The giros, the boleos, those watching us… None of them mattered. Just standing there embraced was perfect.
After maybe half a minute it passed (though how can one judge time correctly in this state?). The rest of the dance was great, but neither that nor anything from before could compare with this zen.
It was a brief glimpse into what one can feel when one truly lets go. I haven’t felt this sensation since, and I wonder when it will happen again. All I can do is continue trying to be present in the moment, shedding away all the distractions and focusing on what matters – the music, the ronda, my partner and myself.
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It’s a state of presence where there is only consciousness and the music. There have been times when I’ve been transported by the music and am unaware of my partner. Tango is a walking meditation.
The music was there, a part of the whole, and while it’s a thankless job to grade the intensity of the various feelings in that moment, for some reason I remember the connection of my partner and myself a little more strongly than the feeling of the music in that moment. In any case, I was almost as deeply aware of my partner as I were of myself – a tango being with four legs, as some would say.